On Marriage Equality and Our Decision to Wed

I'm getting married in Sedona Arizona!
on November 11th, 2011.

Married? Me?!

When I met Quinn we became fast friends and before long it was obvious that we were connected, that our paths were destined to be intertwined. In each day that we spent learning more about each other there were countless moments of confluence and synchronicity that radiated the most exquisite feeling between us. These feelings and experiences developed into an all consuming Love of the ages.... the kind of Love where stars expand in the heavens, universal vibrations align.... and divinity granted us one heartbeat, rhythmic and harmonious between two bodies. When we realized that we wished to spend our entire lives together we spoke of forever after... What that meant to us. The commitment. We talked about the romantic idea of having an intimate ceremony to express our desire to be mates for life to the universe. The two of us did not feel we needed the 'certificate' changing our legal status - as we were both generally opposed to 'marriage' ~ but not so terribly opposed to the joy of a celebration, a spiritual ceremony recognizing our union.

The reasons that we share for our distain of matrimony are plenty.... The idea that in order to be recognized by society as a family you must be recognized by governmental or religious authorities is preposterous.
Essentially my biggest issue with 'marriage' would be the lack of equality - currently it is an elitist and exlusionary institution!


Personally, as a woman who has had many female lovers - I do not support the ban on marriage equality - I have been fairly adamant about not wanting to participate in the institution until everyone has been granted the right to civil union, to be recognized as a family unit. Afterall - we are quite primative in the marriage equality department here in America....

Marriage equality has spread globally!


Same sex couples are granted the legal recognition of spousal relationships, or other equivalent rights in Netherlands, Belgium, Canada, Spain, South Africa, Australia, Brazil, Croatia, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Greenland, Hungary, Iceland, Israel, Italy, New Zealand, Norway, Slovenia, Sweden, Switzerland, United Kingdom


~ its disturbing that the UNITED States of America does not support uniting -  We are supposed to be a global leader and are considered the "Land of the Free"


I find the arguments against marriage equality utterly ridiculous and outrageous! I am astonished that America remains in such an oppresive state of fear. I am appalled that the government continues to regulate such a basic human need as love. I cannot comprehend the arguments I hear in support of opressing families. They are nonsensical and absurd.


Marriage is for the purpose of procreation -
What then are we to do with infertile couples? Couples who have no desire to have children?

Gay marriage would lead to the end of our species -
So....the world is not overpopulated as it is? A few gays who are hooking up for life anyway - being granted equal rights of legal recognition would NOT diminish our population....

The Bible says so - This one makes me chuckle.... the bible also says:

• stone women to death who are not virgins when they marry.
• a woman is property of her Father until such time as she passes unto the property of her husband
• if a woman's husband should die - his wife must marry his brother
• No divorcing - how high is the divorce rate again??
• supports polygamy and slavery.
• Pork is unclean and mixing milk and meat is wrong - better start picketing at McDonalds and Burger King "GOD HATES THE DOUBLE BACON CHEESEBURGER! BURN IN HELL SINNERS!"
• Forbids sex before marriage and birth control

In all actuality the Bible says very little on same sex marriage....

Homosexuality is unnatural
This is another ridiculous statement since there are plenty of examples of homosexuality in the animal kingdom and in nature......



The sanctity of marriage is not threatened by two women or two men joining hands in love to lead a life as one family. The 'sanctity' of marriage is more threatened by heterosexual fools who make a mockery of love and get married multiple times - for all the wrong reasons. Oh and did you know that Christians didn’t declare marriage to be a sacrament until the 13th century and believed it to be a tainted institution?


The statements in support of banning marriage equality are laughable and mostly based in religious fantasy - which brings up the most important point of all......


Seperation of Church and State.


Where did this claim that our country was founded on the family initiate from? Wasn't our country founded on religious freedom and the seperation of church and state? Freedom FROM religious persecution?

"We depend on our separation of powers, the separation of Church and State for civil contracts and laws - a religious objection to a civil union of any kind (including gay marriages) must not be allowed. It is not reasonable, nor should it even be legal, for the Federal Government to enforce discrimination based on religious views. Homosexuality is not illegal in in any state (since 2003). Marriage between gays should not be denied simply because people of certain religious affiliations find it "icky" or because it's "against their religion." Unless you intend to criminalize homosexuality again, you have two law-abiding citizens who pay exactly the same taxes and must obey the same laws as their straight counterparts, but who are being denied equal rights and benefits under the law of the land. That's discrimination, and it is most definitely a Civil Rights issue." ~ How to Defend Your Support of Gay Marriage


The other reasons that we feel hesitant about participating in legal matrimony are the sky high divorce rates, infidelity and bitter legal claims surrounding the 'sanctity' of  marriage.... AND....the history of marriage has always been somewhat exlusionary and was rooted in patriarchal oppression ~ (women were considered property passed along from Father to Husband through marriage). Roman society only allowed the upper class to wed. Interacial marriages were banned just one generation ago in the US..... The Supreme Court abolished all interracial marriage laws in 1967.... declaring that "freedom to marry" belongs to all Americans and described marriage as one of our "vital personal rights, essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by a free people". Loving v. Virginia, 388 U.S. 1, 12 (1967). (in this case the couple was taken from their bed in the middle of the night and arrested and sentanced to jail time)

The ridiculousness of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) signed into law by President Bill Clinton in 1996
The Federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) defines marriage as a legal union between one man and one woman for purposes of all federal laws, and provides that states need not recognize a marriage from another state if it is between persons of the same sex.

DOMA violates the Constitution's Full Faith and Credit clause that requires that official acts and proceedings of each state be recognized by other states. Congress does not have the constitutional power to decide when, or which, state acts get interstate respect or when people are stripped of those rights as they travel through the country.

DOMA violates the constitutional principles of federalism, non-discrimination, and respect for lawful marriages and is, in the words of the New York Times, "constitution bashing."

DOMA violates constitutional protections that forbid the Government from discriminating by creating second-class citizens and second-class marriages.

DOMA gives Congress the power to punish disfavored marriages by denying them federal protections and benefits such as Social security, federal pensions for surviving spouses, and family unification in Immigration.

DOMA violates the Tenth Amendment, which reserves the power for the states, by inserting the federal government for the first time in history into the definition of marriage.

Deconstructing DOMA (a huffington post article)


I could spend hours debunking the absurd arguments made by religious folks against marriage equality and discussing the shady history of the 'institution'.... however my point in this blog is leading to how I wound up on this journey of planning a wedding....
With all of this information AGAINST Marriage - why would anyone want to participate?


Well besides the obvious reasons of commitment, Love and romance.....

Marriage offers 1,138 Federal benefits and responsibilities, not including hundreds more offered by every state.

• In times of crisis, spouses have hospital visitation rights and can make medical decisions in event of illness or disability of their spouse.
• Employers offer spouses sick leave, bereavement leave, access to health insurance and pension
• The law provides certain automatic rights to a person's spouse regardless of whether or not a will exists.
• Married couples in elderly care facilities are generally not separated unless one spouse's health dictates hospitalization or special care.
• Married couples are permitted to give an unlimited amount of gifts to each other without being taxed.
• The law presumes that a married couple with both names on the title to their home owns the property as "tenants by the entirety."
• A married couple, by statute, has creditor protection of their marital home.
• Many married people are entitled to financial benefits relating to their spouses, such as disability, pension and social security benefits.
• With marriage, a couple has the right to be treated as an economic unit and to file joint tax returns (and pay the marriage penalty), and obtain joint health, home and auto insurance policies.
• When a spouse dies, there is no need to prove ownership of every item in the household for taxable purposes.

Brooklyn and Jakob refer to Quinn as Dad. They see him as thier Father and he sees them as his children. As a family we discussed the possibility of him legally adopting them.... and decided it was something that we wanted to do. In spite of our conviction that a marriage license is a piece of paper we care nothing for - we need one - in order for Quinn to legally adopt the children. There were no other real options for us - so this opened up a discussion and the result of that was - that we would get married.

I realize that I am quite passionate about these issues and that most of society would prefer not to think of such confrontational matters. I have decided that I want to participate in the institution and that I would like to receive all of the benefits afforded to those people who are recognized legally. It is my fortune to have fallen in Love with a member of the opposite sex. I could not enter into this decision without coming to an agreement that we would DO something to help the fight for marriage equality....therefore we have done the very least we could do and donated to several organizations that are working to fight the ban on marriage equality. We have also committed to continue to donate to several organizations throughout the year or until equality is realized. We ordered a variety stickers, pins and merchandise to gift at our wedding to our guests - respectfully requesting that they help us support this cause by speaking out.... expressing themselves through fashion ;) It is only through education and spreading the word that we will move forward as a society.


I am an outspoken woman and rarely bite my tongue. It is my belief that spreading awareness and educating the ignorant will decrease the fear and hate surrounding gay marriage. I am going to volunteer at my daughter's school to help form a GLBT club for kids to join and participate in. There is also a place in Denver called Rainbow Alley that I will be volunteering at - working with GLBT youth. By doing this I have given myself permission to feel a little less guilt about caving in on my conviction to boycott marriage.


I am eager to enjoy this journey of planning an intimate, fun and romantic ceremony and looking forward to being swept up by it all!


xoxo
~A

Some of the gifts we ordered for our guests (and ourselves) are from FCKH8 - all profits are donated to a variety of organizations...

FCKH8.com
"FCKH8.com video and website were created by non-profit media campaigner Luke Montgomery. Luke was the headline-making gay activist who had legally changed his name to Luke Sissyfag.” - Money raised by the sale of the FCKH8 gear goes to several organizations:

• American Foundation for Equal Rights - (AFER) "The American Foundation for Equal Rights is dedicated to protecting and advancing equal rights for every American. As the sole sponsor of the federal court challenge of California’s Proposition 8, known as Perry v. Schwarzenegger, AFER is leading the fight for marriage equality and equality under the law for every American."
• Equality California (EQCA) "EQCA works to achieve equality and secure legal protections for LGBT people. To improve the lives of LGBT Californians, EQCA sponsors legislation and coordinates efforts to ensure its passage, lobbies legislators and other policy makers, builds coalitions, develops community strength and empowers individuals and other organizations to engage in the political process."
• Courage Campaign
  "The Courage Campaign is an online organizing network that empowers more than 700,000 grassroots and netroots activists to push for progressive change and full equality in California and across the country"
• Lambda Legal
  
  "A national organization committed to achieving full recognition of the civil rights of lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, transgender people and those with HIV through impact litigation, education and public policy work."

(In addition to purchasing merchandise from FCKH8 - we donated seperately to AFER and Lambda.)

We are also going to be making contributions to the following organizations over the next year -

HRC
"The Human Rights Campaign represents a grassroots force of over 750,000 members and supporters nationwide. As the largest national lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender civil rights organization, HRC envisions an America where LGBT people are ensured of their basic equal rights, and can be open, honest and safe at home, at work and in the community."
Freedom to Marry
"A campaign to win marriage nationwide. We partner with individuals and organizations across the country to end the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage — and the responsibilities, protections, and commitment that marriage brings. Freedom to Marry is working to win marriage in more states, grow majority support for the freedom to marry, and end federal marriage discrimination"

GLAD (Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders)
"Founded in 1978, Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders (GLAD) is New England’s leading legal rights organization dedicated to ending discrimination based on sexual orientation, HIV status and gender identity and expression."

Marriage Equality USA
Marriage Equality USA organization's sole purpose and focus is to end discrimination in civil marriage so that same-sex couples can enjoy the same legal and societal status as opposite-sex couples.

NoH8
Funds raised by the NOH8 Campaign will be used to continue promoting and raising awareness for Marriage Equality and anti-discrimination on a global level through an educational and interactive media campaign.








Some other resources on equality in the LGBT community -

Change.org
"An online activism platform for social change that raises awareness about important causes and connects people to opportunities for powerful action. We work with more than 1000 of the largest nonprofits in the world, have a team of hundreds of journalists and organizers that span the globe, and empower millions of people each month to make a difference.
Change.org is organized around more than a dozen leading cause-based communities, ranging from gay rights to women’s rights to animal welfare. Within each community anyone can start an online petition, sign petitions related to their interests, and magnify their impact by sharing each petition with friends. Put online activism to work, create social change through an online petition today."

Make It Better
"The Make It Better Project gives youth the tools they need to make their schools better now!  Through our website and YouTube channel, youth and adults can work together to make schools safer for LGBT youth right now. Columnist Dan Savage launched “It Gets Better,” a video message in response to recent youth suicides to tell LGBT youth that life gets better after high school.  The Make It Better Project takes this one step further, giving youth the tools they need to make their lives better now."

International Lesbian and Gay Alliance
"ILGA’s aim is to work for the equality of lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and intersex people and their liberation from all forms of discrimination. We seek to achieve this aim through the world-wide cooperation and mutual support of our members."

National Gay and Lesbian Task Force

"The mission of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force is to build the grassroots power of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community. We do this by training activists, equipping state and local organizations with the skills needed to organize broad-based campaigns to defeat anti-LGBT referenda and advance pro-LGBT legislation, and building the organizational capacity of our movement. "

 Colbert is Funny <3